I have so much to write but so little time to say it all, I’ll try my best to get it out but will probably fall short, that’s the problem with words, they can always fall short, they can always end up saying less then they need to say, however on occasion they can be just enough. That’s the toughest part though, figuring out how to get it all out as it comes time to let it all out.
Over the weekend we, being my girlfriend and I went looking for apartments and condo around the city. We went south then we went west then we went north, then we went south, then we went north again. Suffice to say it was a lot of driving and a lot of places to see and go. Its always interesting to see the difference that a few hundred dollars can do for what you can get.
We saw one place that was awfully crowded and filled with dirty students, I’d for sure never want to stay there, but at the time of school it would have been a way amazing place to stay, although the girls that were there were quite a mess. But that’s enough about them, it wasn’t even a consideration. Then we were south and we saw a place that looked like a great place but a horrible location, well not really horrible, but far away from the world we wished to live in. Its interesting to discover that there are places in the city where a car may almost be needed.
This search was a better personal experience as well, the places we went were cheaper and it was obviously obvious from what we saw. Its aways the way things go though, you see one thing, then you see another thing, then you see another thing and then you say wow. The first place I looked at was like the worst by a mile, but for only 250$ more there is something much better and butter located. Of course this makes sense from one point of view, but from another it could be totally different.
We found a couple of decent places and had to put them into order, its hard to do something like that when you have a small sample, but as it grows the views become much more obvious. As an aside, we went to a place far in the west, past liberty village (if you are from the city). We went to McDonald’s to get a snack, it was a bizarre place to be, at once I decided that I couldn’t live in that area. At McDonald’s there was a woman begging in side to the cashier and manager asking for change for tea or something. They ended up giving her a small fries and a paper bag, as she was putting the small fries which happens to be a small bag, she ended up dropping one on the floor, the dirty floor of a dirty part of the city. Anyhow, she picked it up and ate it.
When ever I see a person like that I feel empathy for them, or fear for myself, the thought that I could be a few mistakes away from that place terrifies me. I’ve got family and I’ve got friends, but what would happen if that were all to end, would I spin out of control like those people who end up on the street? That isn’t to say I fear that it will happen or could happen, but the fear is something that can be helpful in motivating me. Or as something else, an insight into reality? Into something else that is seen somewhere else.
After searching for condos and getting some sleep we had breakfast and parted ways.
I drove to the farm and after seeing the renovations me any my dad drove out to the back of the field to bury a placenta, I know it sounds bad and it is pretty disgusting to discuss. Of course it wasn’t from a person or anything like that, it was from a horse that had given birth in the barn. But after we dug the hole and put a stone over it I thought to myself and then said ‘the thought of the placenta is worse then the actual placenta’ which was totally true. We then covered the rest of the hole and the process was done.
We drove around the massive lot in a gator as its called, the neighbour is trying to steal some of the land by cutting across the line, hes done a decent steal this time, his lot has grown. I remarked, I wonder what he will plant this year, last year it was wheat and it was soybeans before that. I remember a couple of years ago I was working at the farm, doing farm work, which is to say it was serious work, heavy work, hard work.
After meeting with everyone it was time to leave, I left with my step sister, we were talking about writing and books and how the future will be science fiction. I showed my obsession with sci-fi by saying that we will have computers in our heads in the future. She said she wouldn’t want / would get that stuff done. I figured it was already done, it was already the case, but I didn’t push that idea to much.
So over the whole experience I had lots of experiences that changed my perspective on the way things are and the way things can be. That’s when I realized that all those thoughts in my head were probably wrong and that there was probably something altogether different going on there.
Any how, later tonight I went for a walk and all those experiences turned into a constant inflow of insights, although all different insights and all different ideas, probably nothing at all related to what the experiences of the weekend were. But that is sort of the point, life is what happens when you’re not paying attention, and all the learning happens after the fact.
I feel that I have a new vision on what the future and the rest of the world can bring, after all, its controllable in the sense that I can’t really know what I am or what I am doing, so then all this stuff that happens without is something that is different from whats happening within, and that isn’t so much something that can be know.
Or is it?
Jump to the condo.